I slept for 13 hours last night. I woke up at 12:30 pm. I had class at 9 am, but I didn't go. I didn't even try to go today. I just wanted to sleep. I didn't want to face the day. Just thinking about getting out of my bed and showering and eating breakfast and driving to school was so exhausting. So I chose the alternative, I stayed home and did nothing. I didn't even write my test that I had today. Sometimes I think I'm not cut out to keep up with this world. I just want to freeze time so I could actually do nothing and not feel guilty about it. I wish I could just stop everything and heal and then start everything again and not lose any time.
When I think about how the rest of my life might look like, waking up and going to a 9 to 5 job and taking care of a home, I just feel dread. I don't think I can do it. What's the point even? Life just gets more and more miserable and the increasing responsibility just becomes more and more overwhelming.
I wonder if I'll ever be in a position where I actually look forward to getting out of bed and doing what I need to do, or at least just not dreading any of it. I hope this medication helps with that. Today the only side effects I feel are dry mouth and I've had a constant headache all today, but I'm not sure if that's because of the medication.
Rav
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